As I sit here writing this, music blaring in my house to drown out the sounds of the fireworks of normal humans who celebrate holidays with cracks, pops, and booms, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to enjoy holidays like this again.

It has been over 17 years since I deployed to Iraq. It’s been 16 years that I’ve been home from war. When will I be normal again? When will I be able to hear the sounds of others celebrating the holidays like this and not lose myself in memories and tears? When will sounds of harmless fireworks stop reminding me of gunshots and artillery? When will I stop picturing death and destruction every time I hear these sounds?

I fear it will never come…that day.

To all those who celebrate this way, enjoy yourselves but please remember there are people like me who are terrified to turn down the music until its over.

Happy New Year everyone!